Toys

It was a party. The home was indistinguishable. Someone parked the car. The four of us got out. My Dad. My Mom. Chris. Then me. They walked toward a phantom entrance I didn’t see. I saw a blue light tunnel radiating through the darkness, to my right. I followed the halo. It was a metal structure. Like a military garage. Garage? A building. With double doors. I took hold of the handle and opened the one side, walking through. The light was dim now. Blue and illuminating. The building went on and on. There seemed to be no end to the “room.” I looked to my left. Moving closer to the wall. There were shelves all along, from floor to ceiling. Reaching out toward the never ending space. On those shelves were toys. From my youth. Ones I had. Ones I always wanted but never had. I reached out to touch one. I sensed a presence and turned to my right. He stood next to me. So young. Younger than me at that moment. He looked at all the toys. He said one thing to me… “I always wanted you to have everything you could ever want.” He turned to look at me. I woke up with something burning in me. A secret I rarely share. He was going to die. I knew it, years before he was taken. I didn’t know how or when, but I knew it was coming. Last year when it happened, it didn’t hurt any less than when I experienced it that first time. A few years ago. That pain is still so fresh. So horrible. Sometimes I just feel like it will consume me whole. Eating away at everything that I am. Until there is nothing left of me. A devoid being, with gaze less eyes. Eyes that always saw everything up until that blue moment, a few years ago.