The 80s

Everyone grows up with disfunction and abuse, right? In our family it was my Mom. We were brought up knowing we had to take care of ourselves. Self soothe. Grow up fast, Baby. 

She was emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive. She would threaten to leave all the time. Not just my Dad, but me & my younger brother too. “I’m just going to pack my shit and leave. I don’t care what you do.”

The time she brought me home a candy bar and I said no thanks but I already had sweets that day. I tossed the candy bar on the kitchen table. She felt some way because I tossed the bar. She started screaming that I was an ungrateful bitch. That I should just fucking leave. No one wanted me there anyway. I was fourteen. 

All the times she said that I was “Angry” “Cranky” “Why are you in a bad mood” When usually I was in the best mood when she said this. Projecting her feelings onto me. She is just so unhappy with her life. At all times really. 

At forty three I just no longer feel the need to put up with it. It’s not worth it. A relationship based on false feelings and masked distress. She won’t ever stop.  I’m better off alone, I suppose.