My Last Conversation with Him

I think back on that last conversation I had with him. A male friend. Someone I have secretly or not so secretly, perhaps, loved for years. Wished for more with him. However, he never looked at me the same way. That was obvious. He made it so. 

That last conversation on Labor Day weekend in 2022. When he mentioned “Big Dick Energy.” Referring to his package. At the time it put me off. I demurred from the conversation. I might have even got up and walked away. I don’t remember. I do remember giving him a look. 

The “Why are you bringing this up to me” look. Because I expressed interest in him in the past and received none in return. It makes me sad to think about this situation. Now I realize she had him believing in some illusions about me. False illusions.

That I’m just about sex. Possibly over sexed, really. That’s why he said what he said. That is absolutely not the case. If I was all about sex I never would have married my ex husband as we NEVER had sex. Not once. Some things I do for pure love. I loved my ex husband once upon a time. 

Just as I have always loved this male friend. I hope his life is everything he has ever wanted it to be. I hope he got away from her. She’s the everlasting illusion unfortunately. 

I’m just a woman feeling her way through life & love. Hoping God doesn’t get sick of guiding me forward…